How I was able to have a Happy Birthday even though my father died 3 days before

I usually have an idea of what I would like to do for my birthday a couple months in advance. For some strange reason, I had no idea what I wanted to do for this year. Every time I tried thinking of something to do, it just didn’t feel right. When the restrictions started tightening in April I understood why: nobody would be able to do anything by June 14th, as everything would have been shut down. 

Thanks to my neighbour I 
was able to get homemade
starch mango ice cream though!

Due to all but non-essential businesses being closed locally, many persons now found themselves without a source of income. In early June a fire destroyed a house in Carenage, resulting in two families losing everything and having no place to stay. Many families in St. Vincent and the Democratic Republic of Congo were displaced due to volcanoes in their respective countries. I decided that to celebrate my birthday this year, I would provide an opportunity for my supporters to give towards alleviating the suffering of some of these people.

Big thanks to Karissa for agreeing to design 
this flyer at the 99th hour for me ;)

For the day of my birthday itself, I had the idea of preparing hot meals for 50 persons and distributing to persons in need. What I did not anticipate, however, was my father being diagnosed with covid-19 ten days before, so I would be in isolation at home on my birthday. Thankfully, my friends from ITNAC had a similar idea about cooking lunches for persons in need, so I asked them to take charge of the cooking, packing and distributing on my birthday and they did an exceptional job!

It tasted as good as it looked!

Three days before my birthday, my father passed away. Even though my spirit and soul were at peace at his passing (check out my previous blog to see why) it seems like my body had not gotten the memo. I was able to function quite fine during the day, but when I went into my bed I just could not fall asleep no matter what I tried. In the wee hours of the morning on my birthday when I couldn't sleep, I messaged my friends in different time zones and two of them responded. It was so good to talk to my friends from Kenya and Norway and to have them pray for me, so when I actually went back to bed at 5.30am I was able to take a good, long sleep. When I woke up it was close to lunchtime so after spending my time with the Lord I skipped breakfast and headed straight for the lasagna Mummy made especially for me :)

Lasagna made with love

My afternoon was filled with phone calls, video calls and messages of love from my friends and family that brought such joy and kept my spirits lifted. My friend did a cover of my favourite worship song in this season, and another friend's 5 year old son performed a drum solo for me while his father sang. I did some self-care as I dyed my hair and treated myself to a clay face mask and body scrub in a freshly scrubbed bathroom. Later on in the evening in the middle of a meeting I had with a committee from my church, my phone rang and the person simply said, "Come outside". When I went to my front gate, I was greeted by my friends who had cooked my birthday lunch, along with some other ITNAC members bearing a lovely bouquet of flowers, bake and shark, and 2 containers of food. It was a delightful surprise, especially knowing that they had been up early cooking, and then been on the road all day delivering food - it really warmed my heart.

These flowers brightened our dining 
room table for two weeks!

I think this year's birthday broke the record for the most amount of desserts I received for a single birthday ever! It started the Saturday before my birthday with my sister friend bringing chocolate and vanilla cupcakes. Then on my birthday I got starch mango ice cream and pineapple cheesecake. That weekend my sister-in-law baked me a chocolate cake topped with M&Ms and Kitkats on top of chocolate icing. The following week my aunts and a cousin came to lunch bearing an almond sponge cake, mini cheesecakes and coconut sapodilla ice cream. A few weeks later my niece had a birthday party for me (complete with balloons and face painting) and we had carrot cake cupcakes and apple cinnamon ice cream. Let's just say it's a good thing we are now allowed to resume outdoor exercises!

All these cakes contributed to it being one
of the sweetest birthdays ever

Apart from covering the cost of the meals distributed on my birthday, some of the funds donated for my birthday project have been used to:

* Purchase grocery hampers

* Assist with the funeral expenses of someone who died from covid-19

* Support another distribution of cooked meals

* Purchase cazacs, towels and baby bags for expectant mothers

* Support one of the families who was rendered homeless after the fire

* Bless a father undergoing cancer treatment whose household's income was reduced due to covid restrictions

* Purchase food for families displaced by the volcano in the Democratic Republic of Congo

Ten babies would benefit from the items purchased

It was certainly a birthday with a difference. I thank God for the community I am surrounded with who He used to ensure that, in the midst of our sorrow, I was still able to be celebrated and enjoy my special day. Thanks so much to all who made it outstanding, not just on my actual birthday, but also on the days following. Thanks also to those who contributed financially towards my birthday project 2021. It would not have been a success without you!

Enjoying my birthday ice cream with my
brother and his wife

My father tested positive for covid-19 but that's not why he died

 On Friday 4th June 2021 we got a phone call from the lab that did a covid-19 test on Daddy saying that the results were positive. One week later we got a phone call from the hospital saying that he had passed away. But he did not die from covid-19. He died because he had accomplished the purpose that God had ordained for him, before he was even born.

Before Daddy got his first major stroke approximately 10 years ago, he was actively involved in ministry: serving as an elder in his local church, functioning as a Board member of Christian Assemblies Camps, recruiting volunteers and donors to partner with IS/IVCF, teaching children at the community-based Bible Club where he lived, mentoring the women he taught landscaping to at the Women in Harmony program, and counseling any young person who came across his path. Following subsequent health challenges which included multiple mini-strokes and heart attacks, many of these activities were curtailed, but he insisted that God still had work for him to do. 

Even when he had to do emergency surgery for diverticulitis and the doctors told us that he had a 30% chance of survival, he was not worried, because he was confident that he would live until he had accomplished all God's purposes for his life. When he was no longer 'independently mobile' as he put it (we stopped him from driving since it was a risk to his life and the lives of others on the road) he would spend a lot of time on the phone checking in with persons, sharing ideas he had, offering advice from his wealth of experience. He would also strike up conversations with strangers he met when he took public transport to various activities, finding out about their spiritual life and sharing Christ with them.

Teaching the older boys at Bible Club

In 2018, he had an incident where he fell backwards to the ground, sustaining a hairline fracture on his wrist in the process. Subsequent to this, his mobility began to decrease steadily. He continued taking his medication and visiting with the doctors, who advised us that his heart was failing and there was nothing they could do to intervene. He called a family meeting and gave us instructions for his funeral. We knew that he was not going to die immediately so we humored him, although he scared a lot of people with his phone calls to tell them his "final farewell". 

Looking back at it now, I recognize that God was giving him an opportunity to say goodbye when he had the ability to do so. We continued caring for him the best we could at home, putting in additional measures to prevent dangerous falls, as he had to be hospitalized 4 times in 2019 due to injuries sustained by falls at home. That year was my 40th birthday, and I had a desire in my heart to have a birthday party for all my nieces and nephews, so my sisters had to bring them to Trinidad in June to be a part of that. We are forever thankful to God for that occasion, because no one knew it was the last time they would be able to see him in person.

Family Photoshoot 2019

When the covid-19 virus hit our shores in 2020, we were on a mission to keep him 'safe' as far as we could, because he was considered to be highly vulnerable due to his medical history. As such, the only times he left the house were take a walk outside, to go to church or to the doctor. When churches closed after the surge of cases in August, he never went back out to church. He was still able to communicate with persons via the phone and video chats, although he started struggling to recognize long-time family friends. At the beginning of 2021 I embarked on a Mission: Project 2021, which was to prevent Daddy from having to go to the hospital for any reason, to avoid the possibility of him contracting the virus.

Taking a walk with his beloved 
granddaughter Jael

In April we recognized that Daddy was sleeping much more than usual during the day, talking a lot less, and needed considerably more support than usual while walking. Around the first week in May, he developed a cough which was not unusual for him since he sometimes has a build up of fluid in his lungs due to his heart not pumping optimally. We treated him with cough medicine but after two weeks there was still no improvement. Towards the end of May he started getting fever in the night, but it didn't last for long. We consulted with various doctors who advised us to take him to the hospital. 

At first, I was adamant that he remain as far away from the hospital as possible, especially since at that time the new covid-19 variant was running rampant and the country had been put under a state of emergency to limit people's movements. However after a few days, I felt like God convicted me. I felt like He was saying that I had no power to protect Daddy from any virus, or to keep him alive: that was God's job. And the same God who had been keeping him alive outside of the hospital could very well keep him alive inside. So one week later when the covid-19 test results came back positive, I did not hesitate to call the ambulance, even though we knew there was a possibility that we would not see him again after he left. That night me and Mummy prayed and committed Daddy into God's hands, fully convinced that He knew best.

Thankful for the technology that
allowed him to speak with his other
children who could not be there physically

We saw God's hand at work during the entire process. The ambulance arrived in just under an hour, which was a miracle given the massive demands on the ambulance service at that time. Just 2 weeks prior, the new hospital in Point Fortin was converted to a facility for covid patients, so instead of having to be sent to Couva or Caura or one of the tent hospitals, he was taken straight to Accident and Emergency in Point, which is just half an hour away from where we live. During the week that Daddy was at the hospital, we had no way of getting in touch with him. The doctors called every two days to give an update on his progress, but we could not speak to him. 

A friend who I talk to every day asked me how I was spending my days. After I gave her the run down of what I had done that day, she said, "That's not what I meant... I am hearing a peace in your voice that I have never heard before." That had to be the peace of God that passes all understanding that was guarding my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. I honestly was not worried: we had placed Daddy in God's hands, and we were praying daily, and that was the best we could do. I sent out updates to our family and friends who were supporting us in prayer, and we really felt the impact of their sustaining prayers. That week, I was reading through some Psalms with two friends from church, and it was amazing to me how many verses of comfort and encouragement jumped out at me as I read. It was as though God was giving me the foundation of the Word to stand on as preparation for what was to come.

I posted this verse on the day he went into the hospital

On the morning of Friday 11th June, the leader of one of the groups of people who were praying for Daddy indicated that we needed to intensify our prayers for him. By 7am a prayer chain was set up with people rostered to pray every hour. All week we had been trying to find someone we knew who worked at the hospital so we could talk to him, and that Friday afternoon an old family friend who we found out works there was able to call us, and put the phone on speaker so we could talk to him and pray with him. We found out later that he died shortly after.

Were we sad at the news of his passing? Yes.

Did we feel defeated or in despair, as though God had not answered our prayers? No.

As I was reminded by my 93 year old landlord from Grenada, "We doh come to stay, we come to go." God has numbered our days, before one of them came to being, so He knew how long Daddy would have been with us for. Listening to all the tributes and reading the testimonials which were shared over the past two weeks have confirmed in our minds that Daddy lived out God's purposes through the countless lives that he enriched by his teaching, guiding, serving and loving. He has run his race well, and is currently receiving his eternal reward. This assurance has enabled us to face his passing with peace in our minds, and the assurance in our hearts that we will see him again. 

Absent from the body, present with the Lord

Do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

2 Corinthians 4:13b-14