45 Experiences over 45 years

This year for my 45th birthday I decided to share 45 experiences I have had over the past 45 years of my life, and the lessons I have learnt from them. It is my prayer that you would be encouraged by what I share, and that you will not make the same mistakes I did.

Relationships with people are wonderful, but they are never perfect. There are times you will be hurt and disappointed. There are times when your expectations will not be met. But this will never happen with Jesus. With Jesus, your satisfaction is 100% guaranteed. Every. Single. Time.

This is the principle that got me through my entire academic career. Every time I had to choose between serving God or my studies, I would choose God and I graduated from secondary school with 5 A’s at GCE, attained a national scholarship, was the valedictorian at my Faculty, and graduated from university with First Class Honors. When you put God first, He take care of everything else. 

As a follower of Jesus living in a fallen world, we still struggle with the power of sin over our lives even though we have been forgiven from the penalty of sin. One of the keys in my victories over sin were the times when I desired to please God more than pleasing myself. Once I understood how much my sin hurt Him, and my love for Him grew, I chose to say no to sin, not because it was no longer pleasing to me, but because I saw how much it hurt Him.

One way to avoid conflict in relationships is learning to put aside your interests, your desires and your plans in favour of the other persons’. The more you support them in what they want to do, the more likely they will be to return the favour once their goals are accomplished. This requires great sacrifice, but it is one that you will not regret.

When I had just started working, my father saw a property on sale in a location close to UWI and encouraged me and my siblings to put up to buy it. Two of them were abroad, and the two of us who were here were not interested in owning property at that time. It is a decision that I regret to this day, because property is one of the few assets that appreciate in value over time. The principle Daddy was trying to teach was the importance of planning for the future, not just living for today. We got it eventually, but missed out on a great opportunity because we weren’t willing to take his advice at the time.

While I am not married, I have many close friends who are, and I have seen how much hard work it takes for a marriage to be successful. If both parties are not willing to put in the work that is needed to make it wonderful, it can be a very lonely and painful road indeed. For some, unfortunately, it has led to separation or divorce. Don't get married because you are lonely, and choose your spouse wisely. It is better to remain single and be satisfied than to get married and be miserable. Find your fulfillment first in your relationship with God, instead of looking to your spouse to meet those needs that only God can meet.

Everybody you meet doesn’t have to be your close friend, so don’t get discouraged by rejection. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to get the approval of everybody, or trying to get into everyone’s circles. God will connect you to the people you need to be in your life at each stage, at the right time when you need them to be.

Enjoy the season you are in fully instead of longing for the one that lies ahead; you never know when the current season will end. The changing of seasons is what allows growth to take place. Don't try holding on to seasons which have ended, because your unrealistic expectations will only lead to disappointment.

There are times when we are guilty of being like Martha, so busy working for God that we fail to show that we love Him with all our heart, soul and mind by setting aside that time like Mary did to sit at His feet and commune with Him (You can read the full account in Luke 10:38-42). Your ministry for God should never take precedence over your time with God. He is also concerned about how you treat those who you serve alongside, because you can’t say that you truly love God if you don’t have a good relationship with your brothers and sisters. 

Some single people are wishing they were married. Some married people are wishing they were single again. Some couples are wishing they had children. Other couples can’t wait for the time when their children get old enough to live independently of them. Be grateful for the life that God has given you and don't compare yourself with others.

There are times when you may be tempted to wait until God does something for you before you acknowledge or celebrate that aspect of His character e.g. Healer, Deliverer, Provider. But the truth is that God’s character is not dependent on His actions. He is who He says He is, even when you have yet to experience it.

You do not have control over what is said to you; all you can control is how you respond to it. You also do not have to validate every statement by giving it the dignity of a response. Some things are best left ignored, because they are said with the intention of provoking a response, and are not based on truth. When you respond with kindness instead of fury, it confuses them.

I was a very shy child when I was younger and did not make friends easily. Even as a teenager the only friends I had were the ones in the groups I was a part of, who reached out to me first. When I had to venture out of the country on my own for a semester abroad, that was the first time I was challenged to be intentional about reaching out to others because I was only there for 4 months and I’m so glad I did. I would have missed out on many rich relationships and experiences if I had just stayed in my dorm room and felt sorry for myself.

If you give in to peer pressure instead of doing what you know to be the right thing, you will live to regret it. Most time the peers are pressuring you into doing something that you should not be doing. The one time I gave into peer pressure instead of standing my ground, I ended up with a broken toe in the middle of the interior of Guyana and had to walk on it for a week until I got back to Trinidad and did surgery to fix it #trueStory

If you remain where you when God has called you to move, you will not accomplish His purposes for your life. In 2005 God challenged me to do more for Him than I was currently doing. I was serving Him in my local church and through camping ministry, but nothing outside of Trinidad and Tobago. Taking the leap of faith and being obedient to His call, opened up opportunities to minister from Haiti to Kenya and even Jordan, that I would not have gotten if I had refused to move. 

Every birthday is a gift that deserves to be celebrated. Don’t take it for granted that you will be around for the next one, because no one knows the number of their days. Use the opportunity to celebrate those around you and give them their ‘flowers’ while they are alive to hear the impact they made on your life, because when they die, they will not be around to hear it. 

Don't be in such a hurry to get things done that you miss the opportunities to engage with people along the way. Don't be so busy working that you neglect to invest in relationships. The things will always be there to be done; the people won't, and the relationships with them are the ones that will matter long after the things are over. Make sure you are investing in things that will last for eternity and not just this present world.

One thing I have learnt as my close friends and siblings started having children is that they had no problems sharing them with me LOL. Taking care of children is a full-time responsibility, and when you consider having to make time for a spouse for those who are married, or taking that responsibility on your own for those who are single, in addition to running a household and having a full-time job, it is a lot. I love all my nieces and nephews as though they are my own, and although I may not be able to spend as much time with each one as I would like to, whenever we do get that time together it is full of joy and happy memories.

There was a time when I had the opportunity to visit an exotic destination in country on the other side of the world and I didn’t take it because I felt it cost too much money. I had travelled for ministry and this would have been pleasure, and I felt that after persons had contributed to my ministry expenses, I should not have added a vacation on to the trip. I don’t know if my travels would every take me to that destination again, but I regretted it after. The next time I had an opportunity to do something similar in a remote country I did, and it was amazing!

Most times it is the older ones who teach the younger ones, but I have come to realize that there is a lot you can learn from those who are younger, even young children. God has equipped the youths for what they need to be relevant in the times in which they live, and you can benefit from taking the time to listen to them, because they know what the needs of their current generation are.

Many times adults get upset when children do not listen when they are giving instructions. After close to 30 years of children’s ministry, I have learnt that children are more likely to respond if they get an opportunity to try out what you are telling then to do, rather than just listening to you explaining how to do it. You can save yourself a lot of frustration if you allow them to practise the principle you are trying to teach them, rather than expecting them to learn by listening.

In this fast-paced world, it is easy to get caught up with going from one project to the next without taking the opportunity to rest in between. When your body is run down, it is more prone to viruses and bacteria, which can lead to illness. You have a responsibility to take care of your body, which is the temple of the Lord.

When I was growing up there was a sign off time for television. There were times for children to be ‘bored’ and find ways to entertain themselves. In this digital age where everyone has a personal electronic device, it is easy to be constantly listening to what other people are saying, but it is so crucial for you to take time to turn off the noise so you can hear what God is saying to you. He speaks through His Word and by His Spirit if you would only take the time to be still before Him.

He just uses different means at different times to help you. Sometimes you can take your problems to the Lord in prayer and get all the help you need. Sometimes you can confide in a trusted friend and find the help you need. Other times, you need to go to a professional counselor, or take medication. Regardless of the medium He uses, your help comes from Him.

When you limit your expectations of what God can do, you deprive yourself of the bountiful blessings He has in store for those who trust in Him. When you remove the limits off of what you are believing God to do, He has the space to prove Himself to be more than able to do what you are trusting Him to do.

Take time to think about whether you really want to go, or if you are just agreeing to please the person you invited. If you are not sure, you can say, "I'll think about it and get back to you". If it’s an invitation to do ministry, make sure it is God’s will, because not every good thing is a God thing for you.

In God’s Word you will find everything that you need for the challenges you will face. It is amazing how accurate and relevant it can be, even though it was written hundreds of years ago. I use a daily devotional, and there are times when I may skip the readings for a few days, but when I do start back reading, a couple days later I read exactly what I need to hear for that particular day. It amazes me every single time. 

You will treasure the pictures you have when your loved ones pass. Looking at the pictures would help to keep the memories alive as you reminisce on the experiences you shared. 

Your natural inclination when someone says something about you that is not true, or that is derogatory, is to defend yourself or to convince them that what they are saying about you is false. Save your energy and mental health for what really matters. At the end of the day, God knows the truth, you know the truth, and those who know your character know the truth, and that is all that really matters.

When things don't work out in the way you think they should, believe that God's plan is much better. He has the bigger picture in mind, and knows what is best for you. When you take matters into your own hands rather than trusting God and His timing you will be disappointed every single time. Have you ever thought that the Creator of the universe, the Almighty God, who knows all and sees all, just might possibly know better than you? 

No one likes to think about death, but it will come sooner or later whether you think about it or not. At some stage, you need to accept this reality and start putting things in place for the fact that your parents are aging. Are all their documents in order? Do they have a will? What will happen to them if they get ill and are no longer able to care for themselves?

You don’t have to drop what you are doing everytime you get a phone calls, text message or social media notification. It disturbs, interrupts and distracts from your purpose, can lead to anxiety. Take control of how your time is spent and don’t allow others to disrupt the flow of your day.

There are some sins that you struggle to overcome on your own, no matter how much you try. There are some bad habits you may be trying to break but you keep slipping back into them. Having someone who you can confide in, and who would check in with you to ensure that you are not falling back into sin is very helpful. You would think twice the next time you are tempted if you know you would have to be honest the next time the person checks in with you.  

When a loved one dies, it is okay to grieve their loss, even if you know that you will see them again. It does not mean that you do not have faith that you will be reunited in heaven. Grief and faith are not mutually exclusive. All grief does is acknowledge the fact that your loved one will no longer be a part of your earthly life, and that you will miss them. Jesus wept when He saw Lazarus’ tomb even though He was going to raise him from the dead.

We live in a broken world because of sin. Being a child of God does not make you exempt from the evil that exists, and there may be times when you are touched by the wickedness of sin or the heartbreak of sickness. The good news is that God is with you. You do not have to endure your trials alone, and your trouble will not last forever.

Many persons use social media to vent their frustrations. For the follower of Jesus, your actions must be motivated by love, not feelings. If your post can cause hurt or discouragement, consider changing it. A wise person taught that truth, if not packaged in an envelope of love, will not be well received. Seek other ways to release your emotions that do not involve inflicting pain on others.

It's not their fault that elderly persons are getting older and parts of their body are shutting down; aging is a part of life. Slow your pace to match theirs. Listen to the same story over and over again. They did the same for you when you were a child; now it's your turn to return the favour.

When dealing with people, especially youths, it is tempting to focus on negative behaviour that you can see, without recognizing that there are issues which are contributing to that behaviour that you cannot see. Take time to find the root cause of the issue behind the behaviour rather than just focusing on the behaviour, because if the root is not dealt with, the negative behaviour can reoccur.

Your days are full of multiple things that have the potential of being annoying. Before responding in an impatient way or getting upset, ask yourself these questions. Is this worth getting upset over? Is your response going to improve the situation or make it worse? Are you reflecting the character of God in the way you are responding?

When you do everything yourself, you run the risk of getting burnt out. You also run the risk of those around you becoming lazy because they assume that you do not need their help, so they never offer it. Learn to delegate responsibilities; how else will others learn? When Jethro saw what his son-in-law Moses was doing, he told him it was too heavy for him to bear on his own because it would wear him out, and Jethro encouraged Moses to train others to help him to execute his responsibilities.

There is a non-biblical teaching that you can get anything you want by simply asking God for it. Doing this is just setting yourself up to be disappointed. God is not a genie that is just waiting to give you whatever you want. He grants your requests that are in agreement with His plan and purposes for your life.

You can cause conflict in relationships unintentionally by how you speak to people. You may not be saying anything wrong but the tone of voice you use to say it may not be right. Listen to yourself and ask yourself, if someone was talking to me like this, how would I feel?

Do not jeopardize your spiritual, physical or emotional health by pushing yourself beyond a reasonable limit at work or in ministry. If you end up leaving, someone will be found to replace you. Set healthy boundaries for your work/ministry/life balance so that you are not just living to work. God’s work can go on without you.

When you are tempted to fight in your own strength, learn to wait on God to fight for you. There are times when you may feel that God is taking too long to intervene, but when you allow God to fight on your behalf, the victories are so much sweeter than if you fight them yourself. It is also a reminder that ultimately, He is in charge.

It takes a willingness to be open and honest about your past to share your story. Even if one person is encouraged by it, and is able to avoid making the same mistake you did, it is worth your vulnerability. It also is an opportunity for God to bring something beautiful out of a dark time in your life.